The electricity has been kind of hit and miss today - all day. For the most part it would only be off for, oh about half hour at the most. I was very proud of my "roughing it" abilities - working around the slight inconvenience of this all day long.
But this evening around 8pm, most of the subdivision took a trip back to the Paleozoic Age. Ya know, before air conditioning and computers? Anywho, it's AMAZING the things you think of when the silence and the heat start to affect your thinking.
1. Do my dogs feet ever go "to sleep"? If so, what do they think about that?
2. Why - when you kick an ottoman and feel the littlest toe on your foot go directions it really shouldn't be going - is that called "stumping" your toe? It didn't feel stumped. It felt $#%^ horrendous!! I guess they can't call it horring?
3. How come no one sees the bright side of the drought? No West Nile Virus from those pesky skeeters. How much more can ya ask for?
4. Why does my son's butt call me more often than he does?
5. Why in the world would someone make a permanent marker whose vapors were combustible? I mean really... do they think smokers don't color?
6. Why doesn't the rest of the world understand why football is so important? The parallels with life? The metaphoric beauty of watching your precious sweet little boy knock the snot bubbles out of a quarterback?
7. Why don't the networks make some really interesting reality shows? Like rolling Survivor, Bridezillas, and Women Behind Bars all into one show? Or try combining Real Housewives of Whocares with Dirtiest Jobs?
8. What the hell is so interesting about Facebook? (Be right back, I have to check my fa... something).
9. Why am I still up??
Thursday, July 30
Tuesday, July 21
Reality TV - Goldmine
Yes, yes, a literal goldmine for the networks and production companies and even some gold for the morons they manage to talk into being the real in "reality" in some cases.
But the "gold" I refer to is the endless supply of material for analysis on the human condition. (Warning: it will convince you the human race is on it's way out)
Also, I find it helpful therapy. For instance, if I'm having one of "those days" - or if several of "those days" gang up on me at once, I can just switch on the picture box and feel a lot better by comparison. :)
Watching Women Behind Bars right now. While it's not a typical reality show packed with those spoiled, feet stamping, bitch slapping, spitting, little plastic pole dancers - it does produce some very quotable material.
The current episode is presenting a story as old as the hills... the inmate's husband was one of those men who woulda been shot in the town square back in the old West just because he "needed killin". Long story short... he's drinking heavily, cussing her existence, and beating her like a dirty rug. So she cracks (and every woman has that threshold guys...) and she grabs the closest thing she can find with which to defend herself. Guess what? It happens to be a shotgun. Now this turn of events should have taken down the drama several notches. But what does this man-genius say? Does he say, "honey, I'm sorry and you deserve to shoot me in the groin, but I'm really not worth you going to jail for."?? Oooooh Nooooo!!! He chooses to go with..."B*tch, you don't even know how to use a gun!".
Okay, lets analyze this... A woman who is clearly hanging on by a very thin thread, whom you have just beaten bloody is holding a shotgun and has it pointed at your face. Let this sink in. Now, is questioning her ability to pull a trigger really the best he could come up with???? I mean, how hard is it to use a shotgun at point blank range? If HE knew anything about guns, he woulda known... it's NOT THAT HARD. You don't even have to aim. Guess he found out the hard way.
Now this is her version of events (his side of the story is gonna be hard to film). For all we know, she was just having a very bad day and he picked that day to leave the toilet seat up one-too-many-times. :O
But the "gold" I refer to is the endless supply of material for analysis on the human condition. (Warning: it will convince you the human race is on it's way out)
Also, I find it helpful therapy. For instance, if I'm having one of "those days" - or if several of "those days" gang up on me at once, I can just switch on the picture box and feel a lot better by comparison. :)
Watching Women Behind Bars right now. While it's not a typical reality show packed with those spoiled, feet stamping, bitch slapping, spitting, little plastic pole dancers - it does produce some very quotable material.
The current episode is presenting a story as old as the hills... the inmate's husband was one of those men who woulda been shot in the town square back in the old West just because he "needed killin". Long story short... he's drinking heavily, cussing her existence, and beating her like a dirty rug. So she cracks (and every woman has that threshold guys...) and she grabs the closest thing she can find with which to defend herself. Guess what? It happens to be a shotgun. Now this turn of events should have taken down the drama several notches. But what does this man-genius say? Does he say, "honey, I'm sorry and you deserve to shoot me in the groin, but I'm really not worth you going to jail for."?? Oooooh Nooooo!!! He chooses to go with..."B*tch, you don't even know how to use a gun!".
Okay, lets analyze this... A woman who is clearly hanging on by a very thin thread, whom you have just beaten bloody is holding a shotgun and has it pointed at your face. Let this sink in. Now, is questioning her ability to pull a trigger really the best he could come up with???? I mean, how hard is it to use a shotgun at point blank range? If HE knew anything about guns, he woulda known... it's NOT THAT HARD. You don't even have to aim. Guess he found out the hard way.
Now this is her version of events (his side of the story is gonna be hard to film). For all we know, she was just having a very bad day and he picked that day to leave the toilet seat up one-too-many-times. :O
Saturday, July 18
Pre-P90X
Okay, got the system in. Opened it up and am reading through the large quantity of information.
See? I am already off to a good start. I usually don't ever read directions. This is evident in my inability to correctly use the features of my cell phone, navigation system, dvd player, well... you get the picture. :)
But I digress... Back to P90X. It seems there is a minimum fitness level one needs to reach before even considering this program. (Nice of them to mention that BEFORE I spent the 150 bucks to get it.) Of course, I think I might just squeak over the limit.
First thing one must do is a fitness level test. (Yay, another test I'm gonna have to study for). If you can't do it - you can't do P90X. Imagine my irritation (nicest word I can think of) if I don't manage to do it. Grrr... Am planning that test for tomorrow.
At the moment I am reading through the nutritional guide that accompanied the rest. Quite entertaining, really. There are 3 fitness levels of I, II, III with one being the best. Guess who's a III? ;) Now.. they want me to measure my body fat index. For the sake of less counting - I should probably just state what parts of my body AREN'T fat, won't take as long.
Here are a few of the thoughts I get as I read through...
1. Last meal should be eaten about 3 hours before bed.
That means my midnight bowls of cereal are still okay as long as I stay up until 3am. Bonus!!
2. You are supposed to get rid of all the following:
Cookies, candy, pastry, processed meat, chips, soda, frozen foods high in sodium, canned soups, etc.
Do they know there are starving children all over the world? I just wouldn't feel right throwing out enough food to feed a small village in Xioang Xing provence.
3. Drink lots of water. (Yawn)
Does it count as water if there's a tea color to it?
4. They have three ways to follow the nutrition guide. This is good news that they have taken into account those of us who are no master in the kitchen. You can do portion control, meal plan, or counting. The portion control looks pretty easy to keep track of. Woop!!
Well, off to the grocery store with my list of stuff I can eat.
See? I am already off to a good start. I usually don't ever read directions. This is evident in my inability to correctly use the features of my cell phone, navigation system, dvd player, well... you get the picture. :)
But I digress... Back to P90X. It seems there is a minimum fitness level one needs to reach before even considering this program. (Nice of them to mention that BEFORE I spent the 150 bucks to get it.) Of course, I think I might just squeak over the limit.
First thing one must do is a fitness level test. (Yay, another test I'm gonna have to study for). If you can't do it - you can't do P90X. Imagine my irritation (nicest word I can think of) if I don't manage to do it. Grrr... Am planning that test for tomorrow.
At the moment I am reading through the nutritional guide that accompanied the rest. Quite entertaining, really. There are 3 fitness levels of I, II, III with one being the best. Guess who's a III? ;) Now.. they want me to measure my body fat index. For the sake of less counting - I should probably just state what parts of my body AREN'T fat, won't take as long.
Here are a few of the thoughts I get as I read through...
1. Last meal should be eaten about 3 hours before bed.
That means my midnight bowls of cereal are still okay as long as I stay up until 3am. Bonus!!
2. You are supposed to get rid of all the following:
Cookies, candy, pastry, processed meat, chips, soda, frozen foods high in sodium, canned soups, etc.
Do they know there are starving children all over the world? I just wouldn't feel right throwing out enough food to feed a small village in Xioang Xing provence.
3. Drink lots of water. (Yawn)
Does it count as water if there's a tea color to it?
4. They have three ways to follow the nutrition guide. This is good news that they have taken into account those of us who are no master in the kitchen. You can do portion control, meal plan, or counting. The portion control looks pretty easy to keep track of. Woop!!
Well, off to the grocery store with my list of stuff I can eat.
Monday, July 13
Monday AND Termites? Not fair!
Ya know, Mondays are hard enough to get through. I'm supposed to start my P90X stuff today, have a cake to finish up, and homework to get turned in. On top of all that, the Termite Terminator was on my doorstep at 8:00am this morning! Oy...
Yes folks, the small makeover I was doing on my den has taken an ugly turn. My intentions were (in the beginning) to pull out the nasty brown carpet and score then stain the concrete. Pretty simple, not overly ambitious for someone of my talents. Right?
I spent many hours reading and educating myself on the in's and out's of this DIYer project. I purchased all the necessary equipment. Then I was ready to jump right in. I pulled out all the carpet - yeeuck!! I then spent many.. many.. many.. hours with a scraper taking off all the glue they used to secure aforementioned carpet. Apparently, they were being paid by the gallon of glue used rather than the job. So, all I had left on the floor prep stage of the project was to sand off the glue around the edges of the room and fill in some chinks in the cement. Baseboards get in the way, so I proceed to pull them out. No need to waste them, so I gently tug on the first one. Out it comes with a large portion of the sheetrock and the stud attached to the nails. Now I was aiming for just plain nails free of the wall and not pulling the wall out with the nail. I was pretty sure there was a problem when I looked at the stud and it reminded me of Swiss Cheese!! Holy %$^@* - TERMITES!!!!!
I call the terminator immediately. Within the hour, my rescuer comes riding up on his white horse ready to render aid. His white horse was actually an old Dodge pickup - but he WAS wearing a white cowboy hat. I felt better. It took him all of a half second to diagnose the problem and another second to make me swoon. No he didn't sweep me off my feet and carry me away from all this. He told me the cost of the treatment ....
After he revived me, we made a date.... for this morning at 8:30am. He was here a half hour early - of course. He and his posse are in the process of tracking down and killing the evil little bugs as we speak. I want them hanged in town square after being whipped!! (Termites not the posse)
In retrospect, I guess it's a good thing I have to wait 90 dadgum days to repair the damage. It's gonna take me at least that long to pay for the treatment!!! :O
Have a better day than me. :)
Yes folks, the small makeover I was doing on my den has taken an ugly turn. My intentions were (in the beginning) to pull out the nasty brown carpet and score then stain the concrete. Pretty simple, not overly ambitious for someone of my talents. Right?
I spent many hours reading and educating myself on the in's and out's of this DIYer project. I purchased all the necessary equipment. Then I was ready to jump right in. I pulled out all the carpet - yeeuck!! I then spent many.. many.. many.. hours with a scraper taking off all the glue they used to secure aforementioned carpet. Apparently, they were being paid by the gallon of glue used rather than the job. So, all I had left on the floor prep stage of the project was to sand off the glue around the edges of the room and fill in some chinks in the cement. Baseboards get in the way, so I proceed to pull them out. No need to waste them, so I gently tug on the first one. Out it comes with a large portion of the sheetrock and the stud attached to the nails. Now I was aiming for just plain nails free of the wall and not pulling the wall out with the nail. I was pretty sure there was a problem when I looked at the stud and it reminded me of Swiss Cheese!! Holy %$^@* - TERMITES!!!!!
I call the terminator immediately. Within the hour, my rescuer comes riding up on his white horse ready to render aid. His white horse was actually an old Dodge pickup - but he WAS wearing a white cowboy hat. I felt better. It took him all of a half second to diagnose the problem and another second to make me swoon. No he didn't sweep me off my feet and carry me away from all this. He told me the cost of the treatment ....
After he revived me, we made a date.... for this morning at 8:30am. He was here a half hour early - of course. He and his posse are in the process of tracking down and killing the evil little bugs as we speak. I want them hanged in town square after being whipped!! (Termites not the posse)
In retrospect, I guess it's a good thing I have to wait 90 dadgum days to repair the damage. It's gonna take me at least that long to pay for the treatment!!! :O
Have a better day than me. :)
Friday, July 10
On it's Way
According to the UPS tracking site - the P90X should be here today. So I guess Monday is a good starting day.
Unless something ELSE happens with this house, children, or family and I am suicidal and in need of chocolate and or alcohol, I will get going on this whole program Monday morning.
Unless something ELSE happens with this house, children, or family and I am suicidal and in need of chocolate and or alcohol, I will get going on this whole program Monday morning.
Thursday, July 9
Wednesday, July 8
Change
So... the third person view wasn't working out. I had to think too much. :)
From here on out - you are getting it straight from the horses mouth. No smarty comments Amy! ;)
From here on out - you are getting it straight from the horses mouth. No smarty comments Amy! ;)
Tuesday, July 7
Patience Pays Off
Now is a great day to introduce you to one of the three dogs that live in our house.
Mickey Sue seen here to the left is my middle "child". He is a rescue - as are all my dogs - who found me in March of 2000. He was just a baby, probably a month or two old and his back leg was very gimpy. He had already healed from whatever injury he had and was still strong and scrappy. That's my Mickey... tough as nails and low maintenance. If I were a dog, I would be a Mickey.
Anyway... for the first 5 years of his life we lived in a tiny little town of about 200 people. We had a huge yard with lots of huge trees and all of this went unnoticed by Mickey for the most part. Trees were pee-posts and that was the extent of his interest in them. Four years ago, we moved into a larger town of about 100K in another house with a big yard and again, lots of huge trees. But these trees were different - these trees had inhabitants!! They were populated with a prison gang of cocky little hairballs. That's right - squirrels. This was a completely new experience for Mickey and he was duly fascinated.
When we moved in he started looking up and searching the trees ... every.single. second. he was outside. I was worried that he was going to injure his neck or his balance or something as much time as he spent looking straight UP.
So over the next four years, the squirrels and Mickey began a game in which only they know the rules. They run from roof to tree to tree and he runs beneath them bitching at them for being in "his" trees. They sit on the lowest branch they feel comfortable and chitter away at him for being a stupid dog. Once in a blue moon, one will get brave enough to come down into the yard to either bury or dig up a pecan or acorn. This usually never happens when Mickey is actually IN the yard with them though. So for 48 long months, Mickey has bided his time waiting for the opportune moment. Today....... that moment came. :D
About 9am I was sitting at my computer with all the windows open (in the middle of a room renovation and that's another story. But I digress) listening to the same squirrel / dog conversation I listen to most mornings. The squirrel is smack talking and Mickey is threatening him with his life. Not much new there - so I was only half listening. But they are getting really loud - much louder than normal. I'm beginning to get irritated because of the racket. Then... the squirrel makes a sound I haven't heard before.... . . . It was sort of a loud cross between a bark and a scream. It does this repeatedly. Of course now they have my full attention. I holler at Mickey out the window and all I hear is scrambling feet and then something hitting the bushes along the fence at full tilt.
This brings me up out of my chair and out the back door. Mickey is halfway up the inside of this huge bush (as tall as the house) going at 150%. Once he hears me, he comes out with this strange look on his face. Yes, I know he's a dog - but his face is really expressive - no really! He looked.... TRIUMPHANT!!! He runs up to me and stops about 10 feet away and looks down. I follow his beaming gaze and what do I see???
I think I see what happened. haha!!I would reconstruct the scene like this: The squirrel inches lower and lower chittering and stamping his little feet (they like to do that) until he passes into "No Squirrel Land". Mickey jumps up (he's pretty agile for a three legged dog) and snatches him out of the tree. Then the race is on to see if the squirrel (minus 3 inches of his tail) can make it to the bush before Mickey latches on to something a little more sturdy!
Anyway, I would just like to take this opportunity to congratulate Mickey on his long awaited accomplishment. I know he has been long suffering and more patient than any other soul has sense to be. I would also like to congratulate the newly bobbed squirrel on making it to the bush.
Saturday, July 4
P90X - No it's not a new Wii game
Well, the kid came home for the weekend. Glad to see him. He's lost about 10 pounds since he was home the end of May.
He plays DE and was weighing in at about 285. Being a big man, that's not too bad. But if he wants to stay on the edge and not get moved in to Nose or DTackle, the coaches told him to lose some weight. He's not one to skip a meal (or apparently a beer or two) so I was curious as to how he was losing it. I sure don't want him doing anything drastic.
He said that he was doing the P90X system. Silly me - I thought it was an XBox game or something. haha!! No, it's a weight training/ nutrition program created by some super personal trainer from somewhere else, probably Californee. His roommate's dad had done the whole thing and couldn't sing it's praises enough. Then the coaches had incorporated some of his training into their program and other college programs were doing the same. So, he decided to give it a try.
This kid can run 30 - 110's (the length of the football field with endzones) all of them in under 17 seconds with 30 second breaks between! And he said the workout was a challenge to him! :O Then he tells me I should do it.
Umm.... yea! My idea of exercise is chasing the dog when she is trying to get out of doing what I tell her to. Since she's as fat and lazy as I am - it's a short race. But he insists that I can do it since the trainer shows every exercise in three ways: beginner, regular, max. I'm not real convinced I can even see beginner from where I am. But.... I can't say no to my kid when he's all concerned and shit about Mom. (He's kinda cute that way)
Low and behold - I ordered the system. It's my birthday present to myself. Since I am getting way too far away from healthy and 30 days from 38, I decided I needed to spend some time on me. I rarely even think twice about taking care of me - so I don't feel too guilty for coughing up the $120. There is a 90 day money back guarantee and don't think I won't use it if the system is a crock.
I took my "before" picture - that's enough to send me to the tub with a shot of Jack Daniels and a razor blade - and am ready to begin. I won't be posting that picture - by the way. ;)
Wish me luck and I will blog about the experience on occasion - that is if I don't drop dead from a coronary.
He plays DE and was weighing in at about 285. Being a big man, that's not too bad. But if he wants to stay on the edge and not get moved in to Nose or DTackle, the coaches told him to lose some weight. He's not one to skip a meal (or apparently a beer or two) so I was curious as to how he was losing it. I sure don't want him doing anything drastic.
He said that he was doing the P90X system. Silly me - I thought it was an XBox game or something. haha!! No, it's a weight training/ nutrition program created by some super personal trainer from somewhere else, probably Californee. His roommate's dad had done the whole thing and couldn't sing it's praises enough. Then the coaches had incorporated some of his training into their program and other college programs were doing the same. So, he decided to give it a try.
This kid can run 30 - 110's (the length of the football field with endzones) all of them in under 17 seconds with 30 second breaks between! And he said the workout was a challenge to him! :O Then he tells me I should do it.
Umm.... yea! My idea of exercise is chasing the dog when she is trying to get out of doing what I tell her to. Since she's as fat and lazy as I am - it's a short race. But he insists that I can do it since the trainer shows every exercise in three ways: beginner, regular, max. I'm not real convinced I can even see beginner from where I am. But.... I can't say no to my kid when he's all concerned and shit about Mom. (He's kinda cute that way)
Low and behold - I ordered the system. It's my birthday present to myself. Since I am getting way too far away from healthy and 30 days from 38, I decided I needed to spend some time on me. I rarely even think twice about taking care of me - so I don't feel too guilty for coughing up the $120. There is a 90 day money back guarantee and don't think I won't use it if the system is a crock.
I took my "before" picture - that's enough to send me to the tub with a shot of Jack Daniels and a razor blade - and am ready to begin. I won't be posting that picture - by the way. ;)
Wish me luck and I will blog about the experience on occasion - that is if I don't drop dead from a coronary.
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